Trivia Answers:
1) San Francisco
2) Mycroft
3) Mexico City
4) Curling
5) Milk

National Anthem (fourth verse)
Flag Holder- Tonya

They’re Off and They’re Haulin’ Shell

Preliminaries:
First Half:
1) Winner- #65 Fookin’ Whore- Facial Shot Racing (FSR)

Starting Lineup

2) Winner- #74 Don’t Trust A Ho, ‘Cuz The Ho Don’t Trust You- Sapphire Racing League (SRL)
3) Winner- #95 Thanx. Now Wipe That Shit Off Your Face And Get Me A Beer- Crabby Old Pharts (COF)
4) Winner- #15 There’s A Curly Hair Stuck In My Braces- Aggressive Homoerotic Unicorn Glitter Party (AGP)
5) Winner- #63 My Crabs Spread Faster Than These- AGP
6) Winner- Super Folkie, The House Crab
7) Winner- #9 Abe Froman, Sausage King Of Chicago- COF
8) Winner- #7 Tony The Tiger- Martin

Halftime:
Some of this.

Second Half (Right back at ya):
9) Winner- #41G Sex Is Like Snow. You Never Know How Much You’re Going To Get Or How Long It’s Going To Last- COF

Halftime Entries:
Nope

10) Winner- #46 I Put The Aggressive In The Aggressive Homoerotic Unicorn Glitter Party- AGP
11) Winner- #34 Don’t Eat The Klowns. They Taste Funny- Folkie’s Fockers (FF)

The Wave

12) Winner- #76 Bullshit Sandwich- American Pies (AP)
13) Winner- #40 Fux Like A Champ- FSR
14) Winner- #47 Fuq Me Sideways. With Explosives- FSR
15) Winner- #57 EZ Money- FSR
16) Winner- #41R Super Shooter- FSR

Goodbye Losers:

Semifinals:
1) Winner- #41G Sex Is Like Snow. You Never Know How Much You’re Going To Get Or How Long It’s Going To Last- Crabby Old Pharts
2) Winner- #74 Don’t Trust A Ho, ‘Cuz The Ho Don’t Trust You- Sapphire Racing League
3) Winner- #9 Abe Froman, Sausage King Of Chicago- Crabby Old Pharts
4) Winner- #15 There’s A Curly Hair Stuck In My Braces- Aggressive Homoerotic Unicorn Glitter Party

Some Outstanding Individuals-
Ricky Four Inch- Behind the Bar
Thursday Night Shane- In the Kitchen
Steve Schrader- Your Crab Racing Host
And on the Floor, SERVING US ALL!!! Rhonda.

Finals

Order of Merit:
Fourth Place- Hearty Wave and A Well Done- #9 Abe Froman, Sausage King Of Chicago- Crabby Old Pharts
Third Place- A Top Quality Tee Shirt- #15 There’s A Curly Hair Stuck In My Braces- Aggressive Homoerotic Unicorn Glitter Party
Second Place- $20 Worth of Folkie’s Bucks (“The next best thing to free”)- #41G Sex Is Like Snow. You Never Know How Much You’re Going To Get Or How Long It’s Going To Last- Crabby Old Pharts
First Place- $30 Worth of Folkie’s Bucks (“Ditto”)- #74 Don’t Trust A Ho, ‘Cuz The Ho Don’t Trust You- Sapphire Racing League

Time:
Plus One

djjj

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Huge crowd tonite in The Friendly Confines. They start lining up shortly after seven o’clock, trying to get the best Crab and a shot at that $90 First Prize. (This is actually the lead-in from Beers Of The World Crab Racing in August, and apart from the fact that we’re running for $80 rather than $90, it works perfectly). Our friends from Grand Rapids, the Michigan Sixty-Niners, have returned and they’ve multiplied mightily, bringing a mob reminiscent of Facial Shot Racing or the Goondock Saints on their best days. Welcome, we’re happy to have you. Joining M69 tonite are the top four teams in the League Standings, Sapphire Racing League, Team Hinkey (short one TT, but bolstered nonetheless), the Crabby Young Pharts, and the Screamin’ Seamen Racing Team. Steve Schrader is our lovely host, Ricky the Four Inch Wonder® is behind the bar, Thursday Night Shane is in the kitchen, and Rhonda is on the floor, SERVING US ALL!!! While the grape is in my glass this evening, we have gathered to celebrate the grain! It’s time for-

Beers of the World Crab Racing

PreRace:
Some of this. And this. And this. And this. And this. And this. And this. And this. And this. And this. And there’s always this.

Rules To Live With And Abide By

Trivia Answers:
1) 28
2) Jefferson City
3) Georgia
4) Judy Garland
5) Theodore

National Anthem (fourth verse)
Flag Holder- Jera

They’re Off and They’re Haulin’ Shell

Preliminaries:
First Half:
1) Winner- #62 Whorehopper- Eric

Starting Lineup

2) Winner- #84 Swallow- Michigan Sixty-Niners (M69)
3) Winner- #87 Crabs Sold Out. Syphilis Half Price- Team Hinkey (TH)
4) Winner- #6 John Doe- Crabby Old Pharts (COF)
5) Winner- #5 She Said Fuq Me Silly, So I Put On A Clown Suit- Screamin’ Seamen (SS)
6) Winner- #35 Abe Froman, Sausage King Of Chicago- COF

7) Winner- #01 I Can’t Get No Satisfaction- Rochelle
8) Winner- #11 Thank Your Mom For Not Swallowing Me- Sapphire Racing League (SRL)

Halftime:
Some of this.

Second Half (Right back at ya):
9) Winner- #64 My Crabs Spread Faster Than These- TH

Halftime Entries:
Nope. Natural Sellout

10) Winner- #27 Fuq Sobriety- Chris
11) Winner- 26 Don’t Trust A Ho, CUZ THE HO DON’T TRUST YOU!!!-SRL

The Wave

12) Winner- Super Crab, The House Crab. More About Him Later
13) Winner- #54 Lonely Boner M69
14) Winner- #40 Aerosmith- TH
15) Winner- #41 Sorry About Your Face. And Hair- TH
16) Winner- #75 These Crabs Look Familiar. Do You Know Matt Hughes?- TH

Goodbye Losers:

Semifinals:
1) Winner- #64 My Crabs Spread Faster Than These- Team Hinkey
2) Winner- #35 Abe Froman, Sausage King Of Chicago- Crabby Old Pharts
3) Winner- #87 Crabs Sold Out. Syphilis Half Price- Team Hinkey
4) Winner- #6 John Doe- Crabby Old Pharts

Outstanding Individuals:
Your Lovely Host- Steve Schrader
Behind The Bar- Ricky Four Inch
In The Kitchen- Thursday Night Shane
On The Floor, SERVING US ALL!!!- Rhonda

Finals

Order of Merit:
Fourth Place- Hearty Wave and A Well Done- #35 Abe Froman, Sausage King Of Chicago- Crabby Old Pharts
Third Place- A High Quality Tee Shirt- #87 Crabs Sold Out. Syphilis Half Price- Team Hinkey
Second Place- $20 in Folkie’s Krab Kash (the next best thing to free)- #64 My Crabs Spread Faster Than These- Team Hinkey
First Place- $80 in Folkie’s Krab Kash (ditto)- #6 John Doe- Crabby Old Pharts

Time:
On it beeotch

Team Hinkey grabs Second and Third and they get bookended by the Crabby Ones, truly a great night of racing. The Sapphires have an off night and that once seemingly insurmountable lead seems a little more surmountable, if you will. Only five more races to go. This is getting good.

The next race in our little chase for the title comes on Wednesday October 28th at 8:00 PM. That date is also the beginning of this year’s World Series, so I’ll bet a donut to a dollar that we’ll be racing on the classic Baseball Crab Racing Surface. Until then, he’s Sonny Starr, good night everybody!

Ciao for nao
j

The post Beers Of The World Crab Racing- Folkie’s 10/14 appeared first on CrabLine.