Crab Racing USA

Hoy Hoy!! Greetings from Casa Dos Gatos!

“The most beautiful melody is truth”
-Brad P.

Dr. Sanders I presume. A real gem from Mr. Pence, one of many. The latest in our “Great Quotes From South Marion” series. If I recall correctly, we were discussing Foghat.

A miracle of modern technology in this week’s CrabLine. Some of the links contain actual footage of Wednesday night’s festivities. Although, the combination of a low-lit bar and an inexpensive camera made for some dark video. I think it still works. It sounds like Crab Racing and if you close your eyes, you can practically smell the Crab pee.

I found a weird thing the other night. Beck did a live set from a radio station in LA a while back (some morning show) and instead of using their instruments, they brought stuff. One guy was playing a dish with a knife and a fork. There was a crate, a sushi table, bongos, a Nerf ball taped to a stick, and some kind of toy piano. It kills. I know some of his early work doesn’t trip your trigger, but this guy could make falling down a flight of stairs sound funky.

It was kind of weird, MIA were Jim, Brenda, Holly, Carl (Carl’s still on call), Clyde, Judy, Matt, and Rob. Nonetheless, we had twelve on race row. Several people we haven’t seen since back in the summer were there. Dustin and Michelle, Abbey was back with The Biscuit, and Jamie was back. They joined eight others on race row. Facial Shot had four or five at their table, several in the Skyboxes, and five or six at the far window table. Cinematography by Steve, Rick had the bar, Nelia in the kitchen, Rhonda on the floor, and me? I’m almost certain that this is what happened. Almost.

Crab Racing USA

Trivia Answers:
1) Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head- Potted Meat
2) Waterford- Bear
3) Dopey- Go Colts Catsup (
ketchup)
4)
Paris (no. France)- Some sort of rat
5) Orange- Potted Meat

National Anthem (fourth verse)
Flagholder- Michelle- #96 Punkin’ Butt

They’re Off and They’re Haulin’ Shell

Intro:

Preliminaries

First Half:
1) Winner- #17- Shell Of A Crab- Justin

Starting Lineup

2) Winner- #89- Hormone Powered Hermit- Nick-
Ketchup
3) Winner- #38 The Real Bartender’s Mother- Shirley-Toothpicks
4)
Winner- #97- LICK MY NUTS!!!- Facial Shot Racing (FSR)- Flyswatter
5) Winner- #13 Plankton- Dustin- Go Colts
Ketchup
6) Winner- #56 I’m Only Four Inches, But Some Girls Etc…- Folkies Fokkers (FF)- Something Heavy (it made one hell of a noise when it hit the bar)
7)
Winner- #81- F*cks Like A Champ- FSR- Can Huggie
8) Winner- #50 For Erections Lasting Longer Than Four Hours, Call More Nurses- The American Association of Amateur Gynecologists (AAAG)- Can Hugger

Halftime:

Second Half:
9) Winner- #30 Crabulous- Jamie- Toothpicks

Halftime Entries:
Eight of them.

10) Winner- #49 The Biscuit- Abbey- Pen
11) Winner- #25 Buck Cherry- Kent- Eight Lords-A-Leaping (or maybe
Ketchup)
12) Winner- #79 The Bird- Ryan- Pen
13) Winner- #58 Stop Battering Women. Eat Them Raw.- FSR- Pen
14) Winner- #?? This Chocolate Pudding TASTES LIKE SH*T!!!- FSR
15)
Winner- #0 For A Beer I’ll Tell You Who The Real Bartender Is- Justin- Toothpicks
16) Winner- #11 I’m A Hard Habit To Break- Folkies Fokkers (FF)- FSR- Pen

Goodbye Losers:

All Disco Semifinals:
1) Winner- #30 Crabulous- Jamie (Winner Race 9)(#94 All Lit Up- Kent, picked in lottery to replace #58)
2) Winner- #49 The Biscuit- Abbey (Winner Race 10)
3) Winner- #25 Buck Cherry- Kent (Winner Race 11)(#96 Punkin’ Butt- Michelle, picked in lottery to replace #81)
4) Winner- #97 LICK MY NUTS!!!- Facial Shot Racing (Winner Race 12, Not really, that would have been way too weird)

Finals

Time:
Minus four

Order of Merit:
Fourth Place- Hearty Wave and A Well Done (HW&AWD)- #30 Crabulous- Jamie
Third Place- T-Shirt- #97 LICK MY NUTS!!!- Facial Shot Racing
Second Place- $20- #49 The Biscuit- Abbey
First Place- $30- #25 Buck Cherry- Kent

That race 9, 10, 11 thing was weird. They must have liked the pep talk at halftime. Overall a pretty good evening. The regulars were missing, and the Racers that were there were a mix of Newbies and people who hadn’t been around in a while (outside of FSR) so the laughs were good.

Sorry this was delayed. Busy days at the Compound. Thursday night was month end, and Friday, Martha and I worked at the concession stands at the Giants game. Between that and the fact that I kinda have never done any video editing or uploading, this one’s been slow coming to an end.

Crabs are running every Wednesday in December. I assume it won’t be long until the Chainsaw Sisters return. Let me know when you get back and we’ll do something.

In the words of Madeline Kahn– “If it’s Wednesday, it’s wacing”.

Ciao for nao
j

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