Beers Of The World Crab Racing- Folkie’s 8/5

Huge crowd tonite in The Friendly Confines. They start lining up shortly after seven o’clock, trying to get the best Crab and a shot at that $90 First Prize. A great surprise this evening as we’re joined by some friends from The Golden Age Of Crab Racing. First of all, we have Scott and Sherri, two members of the original Chainsaw Sisters Racing Team. Scott and Sherri are the source of the long lost video that became the feature length motion picture “The Night The Lights Went Out At Folkie’s” and in fact can be seen along Race Row in the movie. Secondly, and even more surprisingly, we have the Legendary Kenny McCain, all the way from San Diego. Kenny raced alongside the Chainsaw Sisters and is considered the Jackie Robinson of Crab Racing.

Along with a rare summer appearance of The Good Sisters, we have The Crustacean Sensations, Team Aftermath, the always adorable Team Hinkey (Tallywhacker Toucher’s pretty darn cute too), as well as The Deloused Racing Team finally official and off of The Probation. Steve Schrader is once again your lovely host. The Amazing Ricky Four Inch is behind the Bar. Thursday Night Shane is in the Kitchen and Rhonda’s on the floor, SERVING US ALL!!! Ninety dollars on the line means the winner buys, because it’s-

Beers of the World Crab Racing

Rules To Live With And Abide By

Trivia Answers:
1) The Bunkers
2) Nipper
3) Natalie Wood
4) Abraham Lincoln
5) Yankee

National Anthem (fourth verse)
Flag Holder- Kylie

They’re Off and They’re Haulin’ Shell

Preliminaries:
First Half:
1) Winner- #41b Scuba Steve- Team Aftermath (TA)

Starting Lineup

2) Winner- #84 Scratchy- Deloused Racing Team (DRT)
3) Winner- #6 Itchy- DRT
4) Winner- #58 Donkey Puncher- Crustacean Sensations (CS)
5) Winner- #4 Tallywhacker Toucher- Team Hinkey (TH)
6) Winner- #46 Tootsie Pop- DRT
7) Winner- #38 Jack- Tighter Than A Banjo String Racing (TBS)
8) Winner- #5 My Crabs Spread Faster Than These- TH

Halftime:
Some of this.

Second Half (Right back at ya):
9) Winner- #50 Fuqtard- TA

Halftime Entries:
Nope. Sellout

10) Winner- #42 Buq Naked- CS
11) Winner- Super Folkie, The House Crab

The Wave

12) Winner- #19 Pauly Shore Is Alive And Rockin’- CS
13) Winner- #25 Les U More Me- TBS
14) Winner- #41g Johnny Marijuana Seed- CS
15) Winner- #35 Benadryl- DRT
16) Winner- #95 Kosuke Fukudome Play Your Right Field Right- Folkie’s Fockers (FF)

Goodbye Losers:

Semifinals:
1) Winner- #25 Les U More Me- Tighter Than A Banjo String Racing
2) Winner- #84 Scratchy- Deloused Racing Team
3) Winner- Super Folkie, The House Crab
4) Winner- #5 My Crabs Spread Faster Than These- Team Hinkey

Outstanding Individuals:
Your Lovely Host- Steve Schrader
Behind The Bar- Ricky Four Inch
In The Kitchen- Thursday Night Shane
On The Floor, SERVING US ALL!!!- Rhonda

Finals

Order of Merit:
Fourth Place- Hearty Wave and A Well Done- #5 My Crabs Spread Faster Than These- Team Hinkey
Third Place- A High Quality Tee Shirt- #25 Les U More Me- Tighter Than A Banjo String Racing
Second Place- $20 in Folkie’s Bucks (the next best thing to free)- Super Folkie, The House Crab
First Place- $90 in Folkie’s Bucks (ditto)- #84 Scratchy- Deloused Racing Team

Time:
Plus Seven (where does the time go)

Stephanie and the Deloused Racing Team celebrate their awesome officialness with a big-time win (I hope they bought Leslie a beer!). The Super One takes Second and the Banjo Stringers pick up the Third Place points. Team Hinkey grabs a single Fourth Place point to move into Third Place in the League Standings.

Super Folkie will bring the Second Place money back on the 19th, making First Place worth a not-so-shabby Fifty Bucks. Pick ’em at seven-thirty, race ’em at eight, we’ll see you then!