Chimichanga Cheesy Burrito-
Greetings from the compound at Casa dos Gatos! I’ve been dibbin’ and dabbin’ at this one for a few days and I think I’ve got everything covered. Let me know if there’s anything missing.
Nice trip to Crabsville tonite. I love coming to Hoagland. The women are beautiful, the men are handsome, and beer is cold. Decent crowd when we got here and Sonny had some extra help unloading and setting up. The line formed about 40 minutes early as the locals couldn’t wait to get at the Magic Crustaceans. The Complete Crabby Old Pharts Team are in from Mayberry, including Mr. & Mrs. Froman (after a slight delay). An old, old team from the eighties, Shits N Giggles Racing are up from Huntington with a respectable Krewe. Chainsaw Sisters are represented as well. Sara with no H returns from a one month hiatus and joins the dozen on Race Row, while the other Sara with no H has a good looking group at the DJ’s table. We’re also joined by some of Sonny’s friends from the TSA. Fortunately, we were allowed to keep our shoes on.
Our host this evening is Young Dave, who’s also manning the Bar, and Jill-Bob is on the floor, SERVING US ALL!!! The crack of the bat and the smell of the balls can only mean one thing, it’s time for-
Baseball Crab Racing-
PreRace:
Rules To Live With And Abide By
Trivia Answers:
1) Drone
2) Mr Dithers
3) Post Meridian
4) Eric Heiden
5) Fritz the Cat
National Anthem (fourth verse)
Flag Holder- De De
They’re Off and They’re Haulin’ Shell
Preliminaries:
First Half:
1) Winner- #50 Well Hung- Michelle
Starting Lineup
2) Winner- #4 What Happens In The Aquarium, STAYS IN THE AQUARIUM!!!- Chainsaw Sisters Racing (CSR)
3) Winner- #46 Crabs-R-Us- Scotty
4) Winner- #19 Bubbaganush- Ashley
5) Winner- #17 Twat Waffle– De De
6) Winner- #37 Jay York- Laurie
Seventh Inning Stretch
7) Winner- #88 Scratch- Tim
8) Winner- #99 Is It In Yet- Erin
9) Winner- #0 Queef- Jake
10) Winner- #34 Booster- Dana
Halftime:
Some of this.
Second Half (Right back at ya):
11) Winner- #7 Tucker T-Bone-Regina
Halftime Entries:
Nope
The Wave
12) Winner- #74 Bubba Crab- Henry
13) Winner- #40 Dutch Rudder- Fredo
14) Winner- #26 Crab With No Name- Mike
15) Winner- #8 Fireball- Mary
16) Winner- #77 Rexley- Donna
17) Winner- #55 Brian- Crystal (Lotteried out for #79 Timmeh, Timmeh, Timmeh, mnlmlnmlnmlnmlna, Timmeh- Luke
18) Winner- #48 Shithead- Shits N Giggles Racing (SNG)
19) Winner- #71 Wolf Blitzer- Tim
20) Winner- #15 Tripod- Sara
Goodbye Losers:
Semifinals:
1) Winner- #17 Twat Waffle– De De
2) Winner- #4 What Happens In The Aquarium, STAYS IN THE AQUARIUM!!!- Chainsaw Sisters Racing
3) Winner- #88 Scratch- Tim
4) Winner- #19 Bubbaganush- Ashley
Some Outstanding Individuals-
Young Dave- Behind the Bar
And on the Floor, SERVING US ALL!!! Jill-Bob
Finals
Order of Merit:
Fourth Place- Hearty Wave and A Well Done- #4 What Happens In The Aquarium, STAYS IN THE AQUARIUM!!!- Chainsaw Sisters Racing
Third Place- $10 Gift Certificate- #17 Twat Waffle– De De
Second Place- $25 Gift Certificate- #19 Bubbaganush- Ashley
First Place- $25 Gift Certificate- #88 Scratch- Tim
Time:
Plus Six
What an incredible night of Racing. Sonny picked up half a dozen new Crabs on the way and it still wasn’t enough. A 45 Crab Natural Sellout. For only the second time in the Modern Era of Crab Racing do we hear “WHAT FIVE CRABS ARE THEY SONNY SONNY SONNY SONNY SONNY!!!”. TWENTY Preliminaries make for an overtime show.
Tim takes First with #88, a Crab making its first appearance in the Semis. Same goes for Ashley and #19 in Second. Our Flagholder De De takes Third with the #2 ranked Crab in the world And WHITA SITA gets the HHSAAWD with a brand new Crab. Here’s a little Crab Geek note- all the finalists came out of the First Half. That doesn’t happen very often. Don’t know what it means, but it doesn’t happen very often.
We’ll be back in Crabsville in five weeks on May the 8th. Make sure you get here early because the line forms fast and it goes a long way. Until then, he’s Sonny Starr.
Ciao for nao
djjj