Hoy Hoy!
Greetings from Casa dos Gatos. Intimate Crowd tonite. Crab Racing USA is the Table. Fifty States. Bicameral system of representation. Sounds like it ought to work. Serious team affiliations for the Races this evening. Goondock Saints have four on the far side of the Deck. Twisted Fisters show pretty strong on this side. Buddha is the lone FSR representative, high up in the Skyboxes. Speaking of FSR, Chainsaw Sisters take a page from the Facial Shot playbook and bring the biggest CSR showing in the Post-Millennium Era. Steve’s in charge of hospitality. Chicken Dinner Josh is behind the Bar and wants everyone to know that Rick is off having a sex change and will return next week as a man. Thursday Night Shane is in the kitchen and Rhonda is on the floor, SERVING US ALL!!! Girls can just stand up, because it’s-
Crab Racing USA-
PreRace:
Rules To Live With And Abide By
Trivia Answers:
1) South Dakota- Pen
2) Augusta Maine- Potted Meat (PM)
3) Wisconsin- Milk Sign
4) Ed Sullivan- Potted Meat
5) Sahara- Chocolate Bunny (CB)
National Anthem (fourth verse)
Flag Holder- Sheri
They’re Off and They’re Haulin’ Shell
Preliminaries:
First Half:
1) Winner- #8 Shit. I Don’t Know- Chainsaw Sisters Racing (CSR) Jagermeister Hat (JH)
Starting Lineup
2) Winner- #7Hillary’s Revenge- Twisted Fister Racing (TFR)- CB
3) Winner- #51 Dildo Wizard (in honor of Doug)- CSR- Love Leash (LL)
4) Winner- #57 Oriental Lickmaster Tongue Ninja- CSR- PM
5) Winner- #44 Violent Retard- TFR- Beads
6) Winner- #85 What Happens In The Aquarium Stays In The Aquarium- CSR- Candy
7) Winner- #55 Armand Tanzarian- CSR- PM
8) Winner- #0 Kid Cancer- CSR- Pen (PEN)
Halftime:
Some of this.
Second Half (Right back at ya):
9) Winner- #26 Pookie- Bacon and Robots Racing (BNR)
Halftime Entries:
Can’t Recall
10) Winner- #2 Bob- TFR
11) Winner- #16 Fack Her. No, You Fack Her, You Brought Her- Goondock Saints Racing (GSR)
The Wave
12) Winner- #69 Muff Diver- GSR- CB
13) Winner- #60 Don’t Eat Clowns, They Taste Funny- Folkie’s Fockers (FF)
14) Winner- #27 She Told Me She Wasn’t Married. THAT LYIN’ BITCH!!!- FF
15) Winner- #3 That’s One Bitchin’…- TFR
16) Winner- #4 Crabtron 9000- BNR
Goodbye Losers:
Semifinals:
1) Winner- #60 Don’t Eat Clowns, They Taste Funny- Folkie’s Fockers
2) Winner- #85 What Happens In The Aquarium Stays In The Aquarium- Chainsaw Sisters Racing
3) Winner- #55 Armand Tanzarian- Chainsaw Sisters Racing
4) Winner- #69 Muff Diver- Goondock Saints Racing
Finals
Order Of Merit
Fourth Place- A Hearty Wave and A Well Done (plus a copy of the Crab Racing Documentary- “The Night The Lights Went Out At Folkie’s“)- #60 Don’t Eat Clowns, They Taste Funny- Folkie’s Fockers
Third Place- A High Quality Tee Shirt- #85 What Happens In The Aquarium, Stays In The Aquarium- Chainsaw Sisters Racing
Second Place- $20 in Folkie’s Bucks (the next best thing to free)- #69 Muff Diver- Goondock Saints Racing
First Place- $30 in Folkie’s Bucks (ditto)- #55 Armand Tanzarian- Chainsaw Sisters Racing
Time:
Minus One
The Overwhelming Force thing works nicely for the Sisters. Six of eight in the First Half and two on the Podium. Ashley takes a quiet Second and Thursday Night Shane goes home with The Movie. #4 misses the Semifinals for only the third time this year.
Baseball Crab racing makes its 2008 Debut in the Friendly Confines on April 2nd. Sonny will have a new batch of Crabs, so it’s wide open. The World Rankings are definitely in for a shake-up. Pick ‘em at Seven Thirty, Race ‘em at Eight. Not to be missed!
Ciao for nao
j