Hey Gang-
A piece of Bonus Coverage for you tonite. Cub reporter Jimmy Olsen is out of rehab and back on the beat. I found the following in my inbox Sunday Morning. There’s a lot there, not sure that any of it’s true. Res ipsum loquitor. Enjoy.
djjj
A crisp cool fall night of racing here at the Rainbo Lanes, the Fuchsia Fortress as it were. Tonite’s races come from the festive Rainbo Room, dead in the center of the Rainbo Multiplex. The Rainbo Room is located between two sets of bowling lanes (Pins to the left. Pins to the right.) and is the perfect size for the intimate crowd that was on hand. It seems these people had been around the block before, and were well practiced in the Crab Racing Arts.
Pre-Race banter started with an in-depth analysis of the World Series (baseball) and what effect high altitude has on a National League team getting an American League ass-whoopin’. It then turned to Sonny’s latest Road Racing adventures. Unfortunately this is the point at which I had to go pee, so I didn’t get all the info. I assume it didn’t kill him, because he’s here, so that’s about it on that. Now, if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times- Don’t get Sonny started about Tequila. So what happens? Somebody gets Sonny started about Tequila. On and on. Tequila this, worm that. Pants around my ankles this, when did the ceiling get up there that. Blah blah blah. So now you’ve been warned. Don’t get Sonny started about Tequila!
An exceptionally good looking Race Row. Clockwise (but not crosswise) from Sonny’s left were John, Crystal, Sharon, Terri, Chad (Happy Birthday to Chad. I believe he bought the house a round. If not, then I still owe Troy for that one. I’ll catch it next time I’m there), Annie, Neville, Don, Homer, and Chrissie. Troy was our friendly mixologist. Tonda was on the floor (when did the ceiling get up there) serving us all. And the DJ was the always Fantastical Shannon. A couple of Virgins in the crowd, Don and Homer. And that brings up a good point. Is there a limit to the application of the word Virgin? I think there is, and Don and Homer may be a textbook example of the possible misapplication of the term. Anyway, that’s for the League to sort out at their Spring Meetings at League Headquarters in 2008.
Crab Racing USA was the board. Fifty states, represented graphically, to scale (well, 49 out of 50), and bicameraly. As is the tradition, it was Crab Racing USA Trivia, whereinwhich all of the answers are on the board in front of the Racers. Evidently that wasn’t good enough for these guys, so the start of the race was delayed while Sonny looked for the box with the “Huntington” questions in it. Their performance stepped up once Racing got underway, and by the second half the combination of alcohol and Crustaceans had turned the Trivia Jeopardy Debacle into a distant memory. When it was all said and done Terri wrapped up third with #71 Diver. Neville (no, not that Neville) came in Second with #37 Seymour Bush. And tonite’s Champion was #29 Crabby, running for Homer. Virgin indeed.
As these are Professional Racing Crabs, they sensed the delayed start, ran a little extra zippy and finished dead-on nine-thirty. Crab racing is always electric in the Rainbo Room and tonite was no exception. The Crabs will return to the Purple Palace on November the 24th, pick ‘em at seven-thirty, race ‘em at eight, and whatever you do, DON’T GET SONNY STARTED ABOUT TEQUILA!!
-James Olsen