Chimichaunga Cheesy Burrito!
How’s life in the North? 28 degrees this morning. Won’t be long ‘til Chainsaw Sisters Racing returns.
Hope you enjoyed Fantasy Crab Racing last week. I know I did. Which reminds me, just so you know, every once in a while a Crab’s number, or a prize, or reality slips past me. It just happens. So be aware that sometimes I just make some of this sh*t up. I know it’s hard to believe, but if you look closely, you’ll see tiny flaws in the Matrix. So take most of this less than seriously.
Very nice crowd this week. A new Team came in and did fairly well. I believe one of them ran back in Issue 5 (Bees Buckeye Balls). Maybe not. Anyway they called themselves The Real Geek Squad Racing Team. They got three to the Semis (unfortunately, all in the First Semifinal. Strategic error, they’ll learn). Facial Shot had four on Race Row. Next to them were the Newbies, then Jim and then Brenda (who is still letting everybody else win. I assume she’ll turn it back on now that we’re in the Fall Racing Season). The Original Sarah had a bunch up at the window table, including The New Sarah, The Flagholder (not to be confused with TSA Sarah from Issue 8).The Skyboxes were filled with non-racer Pacer watchers. Steve had the con, Rick behind the bar, Nelia in the kitchen, Rhonda on the floor, and me? There’s no way I could make this sh*t up-
Crab Racing USA
Announcements
Never mind.
Trivia Answers:
Theme from Final Jeopardy
1) Boston Bruins- Scraper
2) Benjamin Franklin- Koozie
3) Amen- Scraper
4) Africa- Koozie
5) The Namibian National Council– Scraper
National Anthem (fourth verse)
Flagholder- 84 Off Completely- The New Sarah (NO! THANK YOU!)
Intro:
Preliminaries
First Half:
1) Winner- #2 I Did Not Have Sexual Relations With That Girl- The Real Geek Squad Racing Team (RGS)- A 1967 Chrysler Newport
2) Winner- Super Folkie- RECEIVES NO PRIZE!!!
3) Winner- #69 Lick MY N*TS!-Facial Shot Racing Team (FSR)- Flyswatter
4)Winner- #81 I Love Hee-Seop Choi– Folkies Fokkers (The Original Sarah)- Potted Meat
5) Winner- #74 Throttle Jockey- RGS- Crackers (Wheat & Cheddar)
6) Winner- #84 Off Constantly- FF (The New Sarah) Flagholder- Scraper
7) Winner- #85 She Told Me She Wasn’t Married. THAT LYIN’ B*TCH!!- FF- Koozie
8) Winner- #77 Don’t Drink & Drive. But If You Do, Call Shane Eric Beall- Shane Eric Beall- Highlighter/Tape Dispenser (Asses beaten 3-0)
Halftime:
Second Half:
9) Winner- #25 Cunning Linguist- RGS- Koozie
10) Winner- #44 Butterface. Everything Looked Great, Butterface Was Really Ugly (Something along those lines. My apologies to FSR)- FSR- Toothpick Dispenser
11) Winner- #49 Skipper Shows Mary Ann His Little Buddy- The Lost Gilligan Racing Team (LGR)- Koozie
12) Winner- #39 I’m Only Four Inches, But Some Girls Like It That Thick- FF- Pen
13) Winner- #75 Move You Lazy Bastard- Jim- Flashing Jagermeister Button (FJB)
14) Winner- #58 Stop Battering Women. Eat Them Raw- FSR- FJB
15) Winner- #13 Swallow B*tch Swallow- FSR- Koozie
16) Winner- #95 Dammit Jim- Brenda- FJB
Goodbye Losers:
Bob and Tom Semifinals:
1) Winner- #25 Cunning Linguist- RGS (beat out two other RGS Crabs in this Semi)
2) Winner- #58 Stop Battering Women. Eat Them Raw- FSR
3) Winner- #69 Lick MY N*TS!!- FSR
4) Winner- #81 I Love Hee-Seop Choi- Folkies Fokkers (The Original Sarah)
Finals
Time:
Minus eight
Order of Merit:
Fourth Place- HW&AWD – #69 Lick MY N*TS!!- Facial Shot Racing
Third Place- T-Shirt- #81 I Love Hee-Seop Choi- Folkies Fokkers (The Original Sarah)
Second Place- $20- #58 Stop Battering Women. Eat Them Raw- Facial Shot Racing
First Place- $30- #25 Cunning Linguist– RGS (Newbies Make Good!)
Excellent evening of racing. All I can say is anyone who wasn’t there should have been. You never know what you’re going to miss! Not a huge crowd, but compared to last week’s “no-show crowd”, it’s a step in the right direction. If you’ve got a friend, bring ‘em. They’ll either think it’s the greatest thing they’ve ever seen, or they’ll lose what little respect they had for you. Either way, you’ll get to spend the evening with “Your Good Friends at Folkies”. Win-win.
Offer still stands, if you need help up there let me know.
Ciao for niao
j